evilkermit
Photo credit to…Kermit?

Apologies for stealing the Kermit meme but this has been me since election night:

Me: Trump has stolen my sense of humor. I will never laugh again.

Evil Kermit Me: Trump is 300 pounds worth of material. Buck the fuck up.

Me:  There are no orange jokes or hair jokes left. Also, stop fat shaming.

Evil Kermit Me:  Fine. He has an alter ego named Patriotic Pepe. C’mon, that’s hilarious.

Me:  The most powerful man in the world pretending to be a racist cartoon frog is not funny.

Evil Kermit Me:  Dude. He sits on the toilet in his bathrobe and tweets crazy shit for days – why can’t you squeeze a joke out of that?

Me:  He’s trying to distract us. PAY ATTENTION.

Evil Kermit Me: *eye roll* You know how your dog gazes at you and you think you’re having a moment but then he suddenly turns around and licks his butt?

Me: Trump is a butt licker?

Evil Kermit Me: I’m just trying to say that I think you’re giving him too much credit. And, of course he’s a butt licker.

Me: STOP NORMALIZING HIM.

Evil Kermit Me:  Jesus. Are you out of Xanax?

Me:  *eyes darting* But…rising authoritarianism. RESIST!

Evil Kermit Me:  Get off Twitter and go outside.

Me:  I hate outside.

Evil Kermit Me:  The Resistance is lucky to have you.

Me:  Shut up. By the way, how do you open an off-shore bank account?

So, yeah, the Trump thing has made me a humorless stress ball over the past 3 weeks for many reasons, but mostly because I paid a little bit of attention in history class and it’s not fucking funny that Trump is cozy with actual Neo-Nazis who would happily tell my Jewish children to “get in the oven.” And no, it’s not a comfort to me that it’s Muslims and immigrants they’ll go after first, mainly because I’m not a heartless asshole.

I have a tiny platform where I advocate for science and after the election it seemed sort of pointless and frankly, like a losing battle, but then President Butterfat tweeted out something based on the conspiracy website, Infowars, and I felt myself snap out of it.

Alex Jones of Info Wars: Here is a massive lie about millions of illegal voters because I want website hits.

President Butterfat: *bleargh* Voter Fraud!

Rational Humans: Hey dumbass, you won.

President Butterfat:  *shifty eyes* I am not the president because of Russian hacking!!! *coughs up wig hair*

Rational Humans:  You seem awfully nervous.

Patriotic Pepe: RACIST COMMENT IN ALL CAPS!!!

Rational Humans:  Please stop pretending to be a cartoon frog, Mr. President.

And what does this have to do with science advocacy? Everything because those lovely conspiracy loons who Trump goes to for intel briefings are the same goddamned people who drive the anti-science crazy train. Infowars and Natural News are the same websites that are shared all over Facebook by people who are trying to spread fear about vaccines and GMOs. These websites and many more like them are run by the people who have been working for years to break down our trust in the institutions that are here for our protection – the CDC, the FDA, NIH, and so on. They’ve profited nicely off of fear and now they’ve got their very own commander-in-chief who is doing the same thing.

So, now I get to continue to do what I love, mocking the shit out of bullshit peddlers on the Internet, plus I can add another voice of resistance to the Trump kleptocracy or whatever he and Bannon and their little band of Neo-Nazi friends are planning. Better hold onto your wig, President Butterfat – because I’m in a much better mood.